


Choices

by HoshimiKira



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 20:48:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16166741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoshimiKira/pseuds/HoshimiKira
Summary: Hide finds out that Kaneki, his childhood friend and crush, is going out with Touka.





	Choices

The room was rather quiet. I was standing there, not being able to get a proper reaction out of myself. Ayato looked less than pleased with the revelation. Hinami was standing there awkwardly, glancing between the people in the room. Tsukiyama had a blank expression, not knowing what to say. Nishiki wasn't that shocked nor was he even interested. 

"So.." Kaneki coughed, breaking the awkward silence just a moment ago. Touka was standing beside him, looking down at the floor with her hands behind her back, she must have felt awkward or embarrassed. "I'm dating Touka-san now..." 

"I'm happy for you!" I put on a smile as I walked closer to Kaneki, punching him playfully in the stomach. Kaneki laughed awkwardly as Touka shifted her gaze away. "About time if I say so myself."

The others joined in, congratulating them on their new relationship. Although Ayato wasn't one to admit it himself, he felt a wave of relief that Touka found someone. 

It was all cheery in the room as it was before the new couple revealed their relationship. 

I shoved my hands in my pockets that were bawled into fists. My brows furrowed. I tried keeping up a smile, bracing myself from crying.

It hurts a lot. I just want to lie down and scream out. 

But I'll put up with it. It doesn't matter. What I feel doesn't matter. What matters is if Kaneki is happy and if he's happy with Touka, then I'll gladly be in the shadows. 

<~~~>

The others had left already. I was sitting in the room, holding a can of soda that was half empty. I felt like there was a heavy weight out on me, preventing me from moving an inch. Even my eyeballs won't move. It just feels heavy. 

"Hide."

Hearing my name being called, I turned to the door and see Kaneki giving me one of his signature smiles. He never really realizes that his smile catches people's heart. 

Kaneki walked in, closing the door behind him as he walked closer to me. I moved to the side slightly as he went and sit beside me. The weight I felt earlier was lifted when I heard Kaneki's voice. 

"Is there something you need?" I questioned, placing the can on the table nearby as I looked at Kaneki. He was obviously nervous about something, it was showing all over his face. "It's getting late so you should just—"

"Are you ok?" 

I stared at him. His expression was serious. God, I never really wish that question will be asked. It's such a simple questioned though. I just have to say 'I'm ok', right? But why is it so hard to get it out?

It felt like I was choking on the words, it was caught in my throat as if it wasn't supposed to be said. There was something else that I should say. 

"What's with that all of a sudden?" I laughed as I tried to joke about it but Kaneki frowned. He saw right through me. 

"You're not... well, you're not like the Hide I know." Kaneki was staring at me. For someone who's bad at love, he can sure sniff out some insecurities. 

"Fine..." I sighed in defeat, looking down on the floor as I didn't want to see his face anymore. It just hurts. My heart aches when I see his face.

The room was filled with an awkward silence once more. I didn't know if I should just lie or tell the truth. He'll hate me for sure if I tell the truth. But he'll get mad at me if he finds out that I'm lying. Why is this so hard? Why is something so simple so hard? 

"The truth is..." I spoke up as I could feel the intense gaze of Kaneki. I've got nothing to lose. Maybe. "I have feelings for you, Kaneki. Since we were kids, I've liked you."

Kaneki didn't say anything. I tried calming myself down. I've imagined myself confessing to him dozens and dozens of times before. Especially during class. But I've never imagined myself confessing to him under these circumstances. 

Before I even realized it, I felt my tears streaming down my cheek and onto the floor. My vision got blurry as my nose was getting stuffy. I couldn't take it anymore. It was unbearable. It hurts so bad. I didn't want to tell him about my feelings this way. 

I've had so many good times with him. I've met so many people with him. I don't want all that to just disappear. I want to stay with him. I want to spend more time with him, even if it was just a few seconds. Everything counts. Everything is worth it if it's for him. 

I looked up. Turning my head to Kaneki, I finally face him. He had an unreadable expression. Whether he was shocked, surprised or even disgusted. I wouldn't know. I couldn't know anyway.

"I'm really happy you're with Touka!" My voice cracked. God, my throat hurts so much. Everything hurts by now. My insides are turning, I feel like rolling up and die on the flood. "I'll support you all the way... I'm really... really h-happy for you..."

I choked up the words as I tried holding myself from crying even more but the tears won't stop. They just keep coming. 

Kaneki's eyes were filled with worry. Ah, is he worried about me? He shouldn't be though. He doesn't have to worry about me. 

"I'm sorry..." Kaneki gave me an apologetic expression. Why was he apologising? He doesn't have to. I should be for feeling this way.

"Falling in love... isn't a choice... but staying is." I wiped the tears as I tried my hardest to give an encouraging smile. "So, I'm staying by your side. Until I can't anymore."


End file.
